- living in a lie

hey peeps.

woke up early.

like damn early.

don't feel like sharing that part of the story.

lol

but,

why am i living a lie?

a lie i created for myself so that i don't feel bad and sorry for my own sorry ass

i've seen enough faces to be able to tell lies from just the body posture and face impressions.

yet i can't tell myself to stop living a lie.

why is that impact so hard?

the first one took me countless years to let go.

how long will this one take?

can someone give me a smack in the head

and correct me to stop lying my way through life?

i can't help but to just play along this game.

i'm tired of playing.

yet the only way i can get through the day

is to just continue playing.

till the game

decides to crash and end itself.

what an idiot.

- stop and realize

Malaysia's going to form their very own F1 TEAM!

and i guess after reading that, most people locally would just say

"WTF?! M'sia's OWN F1 TEAM!? WHAT A JOKE!"

correct me if i'm wrong.

but yeah... this is the kind of people we have in our own country.

is it that hard to just give some support to your own country?

to give your own country some morality boost?

we're a young country.

yet younger countries like singapore are beating us flat and advancing better than us.

why?

beacuse their people support their country's goals...

unlike some loser malaysians that only knows how to laugh and thinks that malaysia can't do anything right.

think about it,

if you don't support your own country,

who would?

i'm just sick of hearing malaysians just talking down on malaysia.

and you call yourself a malaysian.

dumbass...

when things are going well,

you don't see yourself complain and stuff

but when one thing goes wrong,

you blame the country...

that's why i say,

it's not the country that is fucked up

it's the people that lives in it that is.

did the japanese people look down on their own?

no

are they one of the most advanced country?

yes

did the americans back out when they are going to war?

no

are they one the most powerful country in the world?

yes

the list goes on...

give it a thought people...

if you only see the bad side of whatever malaysia does

then just don't be a malaysian...

go live in some other country and see what you think.

Our country can produce good quality products

Our country has the potential

just that our people... do not want to support everything that our country has.

try giving Malaysia a chance

and you'll find out there's actually lots of good things around.

so what if the government sucks?

the people must not suck.

then again. it was the people who have chosen their leaders now NO?

i despise the people who are local and want to act like their from some other country.

they should not even have an IC that says that he/she is malaysian.

and if you wanna be some outsider.

don't concider yourself a local.

then you can say all you want about this country.

don't be a snob, a loser that criticize you own country.

it's like criticizing your own body, your own family and your own pride.

i guess the bottomline is that

we live in this country

we should not look down on ourselves

but make ourselves better.

if you know you suck.

then do something about it.

instead of being a kid

and complain and cry.

that's what Malaysia has been doing.

can't you see the BIG PICTURE?

- i'm sick

hey peeps.

i'm bored till i got sick

sick of staying at home

got a headache from staying at home

i'm dead serious...

it's so boring i wish i don't have holidays today and tomorrow.

i know...

it's not human to say that.

but seriously...

ugh. my stomach is feeling weird.

i think dinner gave me bad stomach.

i just watched malaysia's worst tv game show ever.

called 1 2 jus

wth is wrong with malaysia...

don't the people working there studied mass comm b4?

it's so bad that i don't think ratings even hit 0.01

lol

damn it.

i am going to bed early again on a holiday.

what worse could possibly come man...

GIVE ME SOMETHING TO DO TMR!!!

blah!

- left it on that side of the bed

shit...

i woke up this morning

to a dream that felt so real...

i woke up finding myself really in tears and

i felt dumb

it was one of those dreams where it felt like it's reality

i was sitting in a room

a class

and i walked out as i saw her sitting in the same class

and my friends told me that she's there

i went home and change to go elsewhere

i walked out of my house,

the class ended

i could hear people shouting

happy the exams are over...

and i saw her walking out with her friends

i went to greet my friends

and she came trying to talk to me as if nothing had ever happened

as if nothing ever was

it's like she has no memory of what we were

and i ignored her

i went back home

i sat in my room thinking

and as i went to grab my stuff on the table

there she was at my door

with a sad look on her face

i looked at her and she looked at me

tears started to roll down from my eyes

and i woke up to feel alright.

i walked out of bed. to see the time

and as i turned back

i saw something that made me cry...

a tear hit my pillow and formed a shape of a heart

what odds does that happen ever in life?

hah... i don't know

and i left it on that side of the bed

it's just so stupid...

9 months i've tried

and this just tears that all back down

i even dreamt that i already turned off my fan

when i woke up

i realized i didn't.

that was how real it was. hahaha.

i never should have answered...

- hmm... i think i've forgotten something

gooooood morning!

i'm stuck with maths.

MATHS!

WTH

engineering maths is not for the fainted heart.

so please,

if you wanna live long...

don't study engineering!

it's for lifeless people

LIKE ME!

hahaha

maaaaan...

i dunno why i'm still awake

maybe cause of the trauma maths has given me

have i told u that I'M HAVING MY MATHS MID TERM THIS SATURDAY?!

good now u know.

basically i'm nowhere near the range of a PASS not to say Credit.

i'm so D.E.A.D

and i still can come online and crap with people and stuff...

geng rite??

hahaha

anyways. random picture,

THE SATANIC NASI PATAYA

okay, i did not put that star there,

it came like that

and i was like... "WOAH.... this is cool shit..."

hahaha

ask me where i got it.

XD

okay... i still got lots of maths to cover.

and a whole day in front of me.

have to wake up to makan before Puasa...

to my Muslim friends...

SELAMAT RAMADAN.

and to my beloved country...

MERDEKA!!!

31st August coming soon. weeee!!! which means i'm closer to PSA test also

which i also don't know anything but peanuts about it.

owh... and Karyn's bday's coming up.

lol!

who else... don't know.

blah.

gtg.

i still can't remember what i've forgotten. hmm...

-so many titles to choose from

haha

what's up...

so i've missed out on my scout troop campfire.

damn it.

today i'm kinda happy.

i'm so happy

cause today i found my friends...

haha.

no la... just happy cause i get to slack at home the whole day.

and i got my table and my room looks more like a room now than a garbage dump.

haha.

cool huh?

tmr got plans for dinner!

meeting up with my long lost friend from NS

MARCUS JEE. lol

apparently he's going back to Romania on tuesday. and sunday was the only day he's free.

i miss my ex-camp-mates.

i wonder how they're doing.

wira-wira Dahomal 2 Kem Tasik Chini.

hahaha.

did i tell u guys how marcus gotcha call me?

lol!!

damn... weekend is going to end just like that.

i can't wait for my bed to come.

my nose already killing me telling me to sleep higher above ground zero.

yes. the old nemesis - sinus

hmm... haven't been very free lately

i wanna go back jb and meet up with my mates.

not easy for that to happen for the next 2 months.

i will however...

meet them up during the long summer break!!

so WAIT FOR ME! and leave some time for me!! haha.

okay....

with that said.

i guess my purpose for this blog is done.

haha.

going to bed now.

UPDATE ME ON LIFE 09 PLEASE!!

i wanna know what happen and i wanna see pictures!!

ciao

- bug attack and stuff

hey...

i can't sleep.

lol

don't know why

just can't.

i'm wondering who's reading my blog seriously.

don't really have feedbacks

but not important.

umm... people who read and run

haha.

thanks for viewing.

man... i am really darn bored and unable to sleep.

let me tell you what's going on in my mind then!

BUGS! they like to fly into my room.

= =

especially moths and jumping flying crickets

i'm like immune and lazy to bother them anymore.

i had a beetle visiting me in the morning too. lol

i so need to sleep else i'll be a zombie tmr morning in class.

jeez...

life's getting boring in KL

in fact, there isn't a life.

gotta do somthing about it.

else i'll die.

anyways, i think the main reason why i can't sleep now

is cause i'm being bothered by unnecessary comments by unnecessary people.

lol.

i don't know why am i being bothered.

i hope it could just go away.

and i guess by blogging it out.

i can get it to go.

which i hope it does work.

hahaha

if all else fails

i guess i'll subject to sleeping pills.

lol

insomnia........

hmm....

i just don't feel comfortable when i see others comment or criticize others when they don't look at themselves in the mirror.

it's sorta... irritating.

i wonder how this sort of people live...

you gotta know, it takes a lifeless person to know another lifeless person. hahahaha. if you get what i mean.

so why criticize what others do or say?

can't they have their own opinion? must everybody be like "YOU"?

it's just stupid and unnecessary.

ugh... yea it's stupid to feel like that. haha

but what gives.

i'm just being bothered by it and i wanna talk it out.

i'm sure there are some people who are reading this and already starting to give comments in their heads.

that's just their rights.

i can't do anything about it now can i?

so what i'm trying to say here.

let the people who enjoys their games enjoy their games;

let the people who loves their job love their job;

let the people who talks talk whatever they like;

let the people who has chosen their way of life live their way of life.

you are in no place to command them and criticize them on how they choose to be.

it's their human right.

i don't get what is the problem with you wanting to say such things about others.

sigh...

i am losing my respect to you.

such... never mind.

hahaha.

anyways...

we all can't be the same.

that's what makes us human.

bla bla bla.

i hope this will help me feel less irritated.

lol

should i say

or should i don't.

what good does it make

when i've lost all my trust in you

what good does it make

when what i've done

is never appreciated by you.

i'm back in my shadows

i'm wearing my mask once again

because i cannot stand

this reality where everyone's just ass licking

their way out of this.

why do i still care

why do i still think

months it has been and i can't forget what a fool i've been

thanks to such a memory

i tend to play my own game once more and no one can tell me what is wrong and what is right.

i owe my gratitude to the past

not the present one i see right in front of me.

all i can say is that i really have had such a feeling

but now i don't f*cking care

what will happen to you

i won't try and make things better

i will let you suffer

just like how fate wants you to

should i say or should i don't

that is the one and only thing left i have to choose between making things better or not for you.

you have to open your eyes soon enough

before you get deceived by your own illusions

and regret the path you have chosen

for eternal

and for life

- Should I Say or Should I Don't

copyright and all rights reserved

some new lyrics =]

hope it has a meaning to you.

have a nice day!