- is there

yo.

lol.
came back from junior's campfire.
sorta, can't sleep. not because that i'm high.
but because i'm kinda confused or rather, dumb?
haha.
no idea actually.
voices are going thru my head at the moment.
some say i'm wrong some say i'm right.

okay.
to begin with.
it's my junior's campfire night for their school.
i'm actually their assistant leader. (Penolong Pemimpin)
[not really suppose to interfere but...]
sorta hold a big responsibility to their actions and the impact it will occur towards their future advancements.
i'm not very much older than them, maybe just 1 or 2 years. max 3. (for the ones that are running the camp and also helping)
so at the last hour. (when things seriously aren't going the right way [in my opinion])
somethings just urges me to go help them out. and i did.
at the end. everyone had a chance to actually join into the campfire. bla bla bla
not important actually.

but. after that, i received complains and gossips about me
helping in the campfire.
[frankly speaking, okay maybe i'm in the wrong for actually helping out in the campfire because initially, i'm not suppose to even be there to help out in anything but to observe] - (my sincerest apologies)
but what the hell is it with the "bringing up old stories" gossip and complains?
if i am there to point out your mistakes, means i have done that mistake myself and i know that i must let you know too in order to not let you make the same mistake as i did.
why people can't just freaking effin let the "old stories" abt me go?
I DID THE MISTAKE BEFORE, AND I'VE IMPROVED ON THAT and EVEN EFFIN ACCEPTED IT AS A FACT!
why can't they just understand?
even more, i don't want to actually go to the "old story"
there's so much untrue facts that i actually just accepted it in order for the matter to be solved asap once and for all. but i get the freaking dog bite in the end.
bla bla bla

am i just dealing with immature kids? or am i actually at fault?
i'm just plain controdicting with myself right now.
it's not a matter to bother about.
but why it bothers so much.
because people there. are my friends. i'm having friendships at stakes.
i drop the matter and let them get angry at me whatever.
but why must it always occur?
i'm just starting to think. maybe, they are not really friends, but just activity partners, people who just join in with me to share the glory and fame. leeching under me.
bla bla bla.
it's effing up la.
eff this post man.

just whatever already larh!
settle this once and for all myself.
i don't care abt friends or not already.
you guys are just forcing me to do it. i give you my excuse, you bite me with it.
fine.
no more.
i'm taking care of the whole troop. i concider every single participants.
i don't have to "just because of u" i screw everything up.
you are not indipensable to me.
if all of you wanna continue on with your pride, and
your faces.
go ahead. be my guest.
i don't need people who can't think maturely and understand the situation.
go on with your "old stories"
go on with your complains and gossips.
people have different ways of doing things.
if mine doesn't suit you. deal with it.
i can't suit every one's style.
i can only be general.
i go according to the crowd and choose the best options.
screw you people.

blah, freaking stop here la.
no use venting anymore.
keep inside. and flush out tmr morning.
kids, are always kids.
let them learn their own lessons themselves.

who am i suppose to talk to now,
when the only one i have,
is no longer around.